Winners Lose More Than Losers Lose

I lost a professional lacrosse championship in 2020. I won a professional lacrosse championship in 2021.

I left a team on Wall Street in 2018. I received an award titled "Teammate of the Year" in 2019.

I broke my back in 2011, which sidelined the only character I knew myself to be, a peak-performing athlete. In the Spring of 2012, I was given Deerfield Academy’s Benjamin C. Haviland Trophy for character, commitment, and contribution.

With zero control of the weather, other people, and external forces... why did I ever assume events were happening to me rather than for me?

We do not go from order to higher states of order. We navigate chaos in between. Chapters of chaos are filled with seeds of potential—when planted in our minds, nurtured with optimism, and tended to through exploration, we redeem what seemed lost. Never lost, always growing, we gain greater knowledge of who we are and what we are truly capable of.

Order → Chaos → Higher Order

Losses → Lessons → Learnings

Seeds → Saplings → Sequoias

“Don’t place a period where God has placed a comma.”

So long as an event exceeds our expectations, we experience feelings of happiness. When reality falls below our expectations, we depress. Emotional signals are tied to anticipations. Magnitude of exhilaration or sadness correlates to the perceived gap between prior forecasting and actual happenings.

Should we keep our expectations low? No.

Should we lie to ourselves when inconveniences and tragedies occur? No.

Could we shift our focus to controllable responses after circumstances change? Yes, absolutely, each and every time!

Here’s one of the most important yet seemingly paradoxical doctrines in mental training: acceptance, not resistance, leads to psychological freedom.

Preparation for performances remains necessary.

Surrendering outcomes and trusting processes increase chances of success.

Once an event ends, we only struggle to the extent we refuse to accept its result.

Our brains magnify what we focus on. Like a flashlight, anything outside the beam becomes blurry. Like a flashlight, anything aimed at illuminates. Like a flashlight, the depth of what’s seen equates to the gravity of our concentration.

Whatever we pay attention to costs us time, energy, and internal resources.

Where focus goes, energy flows.

When distraction wallows, disappointment follows.

Recently, I watched the documentary of the remarkable Rafael Nadal. He competed as a professional tennis player until he was 37 years old. He won more matches on clay than any other player ever has (and likely ever will). He navigated pressure, criticism, and numerous injuries throughout his career.

“I’m willing to suffer more… I never wanted to stop. I always wanted to keep going. To me, it’s very simple,” Rafa exclaimed, “I’m exploring my limits. I’m aware it’s going to be very hard… you can’t be a great champion if you don’t do things that are truly difficult.” Rafa, always and in all ways, maintained intrinsic motivation and committed to personal concentration. He never dwelled on losses, doubted, and stayed disappointed for too long.

Rafa’s tennis journey represented the power of the human spirit. He consistently competed despite being in agony. He constantly practiced his craft and improved his weaknesses. Every time adversity hit, he bounced back. Winners lose more than losers lose — Rafa embodied that maxim; therefore, he won repeatedly for decades.

As the late great motivational speaker, Jim Rohn, would often say: [Rafa] “disciplined his disappointment.”

Pain fueled his internal fire.

Suffering mattered less than exploring his limits.

———

Call to action: Reflect on the greatest challenges, disappointments, and frustrations in your own life. When did you come up short of achieving something you deeply desired? When did a failure seem like the worst thing that could have happened yet turned out to be for your best? When did hurting transform into helping you later on? Capture at least three breakdowns that led to breakthroughs. Write down at least two main lessons learned. Share one of those lessons with one loved one who could use that aphorism.

Eyes are not only windows to the soul…

they are lights toward where we go next.

All setbacks are set-ups for comebacks.

🎙️Click here to listen to Mark Glicini’s monthly episodes of his podcast, GRATEFUL and Full of Greatness