From “If” to “When”

Life is uncertain. So much remains outside of our control. 

A health-conscious individual who prioritizes her well-being could contract a terminal illness early on while someone else manipulates his way to a pay raise at work. An admirable person could be betrayed by his best friend while someone else lies her way to a managerial position. A compassionate and courageous leader could be scorned by many while someone else cheats his or her way in pursuit of material possessions. 

We do not have authority over outcomes and results; all we can do is play the hand we’re dealt to the best of our abilities. 

In the end, through faith, like oil on water, we’ll rise. 

Maybe not tomorrow. 

Likely not every year. 

Always, if steadfast, in the end.

The following is my favorite poem unpacked. It combines encouragement with seemingly unfair realities, advice amidst hesitancy, and everlasting humility during inevitable sufferings.

If — by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise… 

In this first stanza, Kipling points to emotional regulation. How can we be provoked with emotion without becoming too emotional? Why is it important to remain calm in uncalm circumstances? Who might we become if we stoically respond rather than emotionally react? Perhaps the coolest thing we could do is not lose our cool.

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;

If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools… 

This second stanza is my favorite of the four — especially the four lines to start it.

We must set our minds if we expect to cultivate a resilient mindset. We ought to imagine, think, and dream without doing so for too long. No matter what, we could and should focus on creating a life we crave rather than just contemplating it.

Thoughts determine what we want; actions determine what we get.

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

It’s natural to worry about surviving. It takes mental training to concentrate on striving. 

No risk, no reward. 

No discomfort, no growth. 

No sacrifice, no success. 

We increase our willpower every time we choose the Hard Right over an easy wrong. If playing professional lacrosse has taught me one thing over the past decade, it’s this: we always have more in the tank. And as someone I dearly love always says: “Dig in!” Worthwhile presents are worth the perseverance. 

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,

And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

This final stanza makes me think about 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 — “[24] Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. [25] Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. [26] Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. [27] No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my vassal so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.” 

If we think we can or we can’t, we are correct. If we summon the courage and surrender the outcome, we deserve what is good. If bear our own crosses and climb up own our mountains, with unwavering belief and humility, receive respect on Earth… on our way to true prosperity in heaven.

If I were to change anything about this poem, I’d edit its title to: “When…”

When we tell the truth,

When we stay the course,

When we comeback after a setback…

we win the prize and earn the crown.

Life is uncertain. 

Legacy is certain;

which kind will you leave behind?

— MG