Compete to Your Standard, Not a Scoreboard

Recently, a client asked me, “Is it good to have expectations?” She felt presuming outcomes led to more stress, not less.

Another client, earlier this year, inquired, “What’s the point of focusing on the future?” He argued that targets are oftentimes too abstract, causing him to think rather than complete tasks.

One question I have considered on my own, in lockstep with these two: “What does achievement really come down to in competitions if both winners and losers have the same aim, to win?” 

Goals matter; standards matter more.

Imagine driving a friend to a local store, let’s say, Starbucks. While driving, the friend asks, “Are we going to Starbucks?” “Yes.” A couple minutes later, the friend asks again, “Are we still going to Starbucks?” “Yes.” A couple minutes later, the friend asks again, “Are we still going to Starbucks?” Rather than reply, eyes turn away from the road and toward that friend, “Are you being serious or joking? Yes! We are still going to Starbucks!” This dialogue seems ridiculous, and it is. However, many teams and organizations talk about goals too often after they are set. Out of insecurity, fear of failure, or doubt, individuals will concentrate on what’s uncontrollable. Instead of concentrating on outcome (Starbucks), it’s essential to focus on the process (the road). Don’t keep eyes on the prize; live out the standards necessary to attain it. 

Goal-setting should be focused on 10% or less of the time. 90%+ should be invested in deliberate practice, role-specific habit formation, and reliable routines. Training, not aiming, leads to the difference is results.

Continually questioning one’s goals displays fear.

Consistently taking action towards one’s goals embodies faith.

Once we set our minds, it comes down to mindset.

Here is one of the hardest notions I have attempted to wrap my head around: pain is inevitable; suffering is optional. Each and every one of us will experience physical injury, emotional distress, and relational stress — all of which are painful, almost every time. On the other hand, we reduce [and essentially eliminate] our suffering by letting rather than resisting. What we resist, persists. Fighting anxiety fuels anxiety. What we let be will let us be. Easier said than done: when we embrace events with complete, full, and radical acceptance… we free ourselves from suffering. We must still contend, face, and heal from pain-filled traumas; nevertheless, suffering is optional.

resistance → suffering 

acceptance → freedom

In sports, there’s a beautiful saying: compete to the standard, not a scoreboard. In other words, let self-expectations matter more than external expectations. When we care too much about what other people say and think about us, we become tight, tense, and tentative. When we concentrate and evaluate ourselves based on what’s controllable, such as our effort, we play freely.

external expectations → anxiety, nervousness, worry

self-expectations (standards) → excitement 

An expectation is a belief that something will happen in the future.

Expectations are unavoidable. As human beings, we have them, whether we want to or not. The key to decide what kind of expectations we want to have.

Similar to 100oz of water leading to hydration and clear sight… whereas 100oz of whiskey leads to dehydration and blurred vision, we get to choose. Self-expectation is the water that allows us to see clearly; external expectation is the whiskey that distracts, devastates, and destroys.

Whatever the mind conceives and the heart believes, the human being achieves, for better or worse.

What do we expect from ourselves?

What standards do we uphold for ourselves?

What do we believe to be true about ourselves?

Apocryphal Story: In high school, I knew a guy named Kieran. He was a below-average student and a mediocre athlete. He was used to getting C’s on his report card and to not playing during Varsity sporting events. However, his senior year, he received a perfect score on his SATs. 

“Did you cheat?” Kieran’s mom asked him. “How did you do so well when you almost fail all your classes in school?” I asked him. Even his coaches and teachers were puzzled and skeptical.

With newfound inspiration, Kieran went on to attend Georgetown University. He cultivated the courage to walk on to the men’s basketball team. Although he did not play much, by his senior season, he was given a scholarship by the coach for his outstanding effort and enthusiasm. Kieran graduated Summa Cum Laude, received a job offer that paid him six-figures, and married his college sweetheart. 

Years later, Kieran’s parents received mail from an unknown sender. Inside an envelope, a message summarized how, roughly a decade earlier, SAT scores were sent to several of the wrong students. The perfect score he received was supposed to be sent to another student. Kieran’s actual score was a 920 out of 1600. It was too late — Kieran decided years ago that he was a great student and that he deserved great things. Kieran upgraded his self-expectation, which allowed him to triumph over fears from external expectation. He set his mind and then embodied the standards necessary to win… in the classroom, on the court, and in life!

We will never outperform our own self image.

Setting one’s mind matters; mindset matters more.

Compete to the highest standard, set by yourself.