A Trained Mind is Kind

Kind (adjective): generous, considerate, and understanding the feelings and needs [of oneself and others].

Anger is what we grab when an event does not match our expectations. Anger is what we embody when we forget to breathe, to choose curiosity over judgment, and to respond rather than emotionally react. Even deeper, anger is a quick, outer display of inner sadness.

Anger is the lowest hanging fruit.

Mental toughness can be measured by how quickly we shift from feelings to focus. How long does it take for our behavior to return to baseline after a perceived gain or setback?

What happened happened, and it could not have happened any other way because it didn’t.

– Peter Crone, The Mind Architect

Our interpretation of an event dictates our feelings.

Unevolved babies will cry for minutes, which could seem like hours, when something does not go their way.

Evolved, self-aware adults will allow cortisol and discomfort to flow through their veins, breatheee, and then answer appropriately.

Some of the all-time greatest athletes come to mind. Do we remember when Tiger Woods used to roar and fist pump as a celebration after making a crucial putt… then immediately shift back to profound focus moments later for the next tee shot? How about when Serena Williams or Roger Federer wanted to break their racquets in frustration after an unforced error… then, with composure, serve an ace on the next point? Or when Mariano Rivera, who had to manage opponents on base and tough calls by empires… to throw a cutting fastball to seal a win under pressure? These performers are viewed as machines and robots in urgent circumstances because most people would crumble and choke. The reality: they sink to their levels of training, letting their actions overcome emotions, feelings, and thoughts.

“Don’t be upset with the results you didn’t get from the work you didn’t do.”

How do we train our minds?

Here are three ways:

1. Express emotions: by writing or sharing talking, expression helps us get our stories straight. Why do we feel how we are feeling? What is at the root of our emotions? How could we move forward optimally? Writing in a journal or conversing with someone we trust allows us to effectively articulate our past and our present in order to live a brighter future. Getting frustrations out lets kindness in. 

2. Practice mindfulness: by using our lungs as anchors, deep breathing brings us back to opportunities within the present moment. It’s normal for our minds to wander; however, we are the only living beings on the planet that can think about what we are thinking about. From conscious breathing to noticing bodily sensations to praying to asking ourselves questions to setting intentions, we become more open when we practice mindfulness.  

3. Study greatness: by educating ourselves about the tools, intangibles, and strategies weaponized by successful people, we give ourselves permission to seek what’s possible in our own lives. Mentors are meant to tour us through life. Who do we admire? Who are our role models? What characteristics, qualities, and values do they have that we, too, could adopt. We must emulate until we can innovate. By learning from those who have what we want, we may then do what they did to reach our own goals.

Negativity works negatively 100% of the time. When we choose to complain, we the see the sun and the rain the same, unfavorably. Positivity does not always work, however. When we wish a storm will pass quickly, we may be let down. We ought to prepare for life’s rain, bringing a raincoat and an umbrella instead. The best strategy combines planning like a pessimist and believing like an optimist, also known as faith-filled pragmatism.

In stoic philosophy, there’s a phrase about mindset called “Amor Fati: love of one’s fate; not merely to bear what is necessary… but love it.” It’s possible to become more kind simply by training our minds. As the well-known Navy SEAL, Jocko Willink, often states about whatever has happened, “Good.”

Confidence comes from doing what we are good at. Imagine repeating and rehearsing a mindset that withstands the forces of gravity, pressure, and urgency. When tested, we would then thrive. Hours of dedicated, intentional practice leads to being great in great moments.

This idea is well-understood within the law enforcement, firefighting, medical, and military occupations. When called, these heroes are relied on to answer. They study, practice, and express. They do not rest until they are best at the required test. Sometimes that’s preventing criminal activity; sometimes that’s fixing broken bones; and sometimes that’s saving someone’s life. These confident heroes are prepared optimists.

Unaware, un-evolved, and unprepared people react with anger.

Self-aware, well-versed, and well-rehearsed leaders respond with composure.

Easy choices, hard life. Hard choices, easy life.

– Jerzy Gregorek, Olympic weightlifter 

Which person comes to mind when you think of someone who is great under pressure?

Challenge: Reach out to that person (or study their story). Ask them how they do what they do. Be a hunter-and-gatherer of meaningful information so you, too, can get your actions in formation.

Grabbing the lowest hanging fruit is easy.

We ought to breathe, express, and then take the high road.

What if we could become more kind by training our minds?

A trained mind is kind. 

— MG