These Three Let Us Be Emotionally Free

Pep talks involve the right message to the right people at the right time.

A great set of stories are told in a great setting to foster great mindsets.

Rarely boring.

Usually thought-provoking.

When done well, they are action-provoking.

Speakers oftentimes tell an audience what they are going to tell them, then they tell them, and then they tell them what they told them. There are known and surprise parts, as well as a throughline. Like all stories, pep talks have a beginning, a middle, and an end.

This pattern follows an unwritten law called the “Principle of Threes.” 

Various domains contain three distinct parts with a common thread. Two things seem not enough, and four figures are too many. Three components complete a chronicle. Three elements engender an entirety. Three pieces put together a puzzle.

Here are some examples:

• Past, Present, Future

• Birth, Life, Death

• Thought, Word, Action

• Problem, Tension, Resolution

• Mind, Body, Soul

• Father, Son, Holy Spirit

• Sea, Land, Sky

• “Veni, vidi, vici”

• Beauty, Goodness, Truth

• Verse, Chorus, Bridge

• Solid, Liquid, Gas

• Seed, Plant, Fruit

• Child, Teen, Adult

• Player, Coach, Team

• Faith, Hope, Love

• Red, Yellow, Green

• Broken, Healing, Whole

• Listen, Understand, Respond

• Ask, Receive, Give

• Vision, Strategy, Execution

Our emotional lives, made up of memories, act in accordance with the Principle of Threes.

Memories are first consciously processed. “What happened? & How do you feel about that?” are appropriate questions to catalyze processing. 

Once a response is given, the second phase begins — an individual attempts to get his or her story straight (this part is more logical than the initial, emotional start). The following inquiries assist this navigation: “What’s the reason you think that happened? & What do you think you could do next?” 

After a back-and-forth dialogue, the third phase commences. Said individual voluntarily takes on a specific task related to his or her fear. This final phase requires action rather than question, contemplation and reflection.

Here is the arc alliterated:

1. Confession — what happened?

2. Course Correction — what ought to happen next?

3. Confrontation — make it happen!

All three phases demand the truth. Lying warps processing, limits clarity, and delays peace. Sugar-coating one’s experiences prolongs suffering. Circumventing what’s true could turn an inconvenience into a tragedy.

Problems delayed are problems multiplied. 

Like John 14:6: “… I am the way, the truth, and the life: no one comes to the Father except through me,” nobody can heal until they deal with what’s real. Elective confrontation builds bravery, courage, and capacity to take on other fears.

Behind every dragon is treasure. The bigger the dragon, the bigger the treasure. The biggest treasures are on the other side of our own biggest dragons. It’s not about solely solving problems; it’s about becoming a persistent problem-solver, a dragon slayer.

What we need most lies where we least want to look; where our fear is, there is our task.

– Carl Jung, arguably the greatest psychoanalyst who ever lived…

In my own life, I went skydiving to overcome a fear of heights. I started giving pep talks to audiences of all ages to overcome a fear of public speaking. I posted dozens of blogs to overcome a fear of other people’s opinions. As a result, I reached higher summits while connecting with thousands of people and creating a brand true to my personality. I am not near where I want to be; however, I am far closer than I was years ago. 

Animals confront terrors, too. When a rat comes across a cat in an unexpected area, it runs back to its home and cries. Scared of death, it cries for several hours. [Since rats only live, on average, one to four years… rats crying for several hours is equivalent to humans crying for weeks to months]. Its crying is an alarm and warning for other rats, too. Eventually, said rat will stop crying, go back to the area it saw a cat, and repeatedly run across that terrain. Why? First and foremost, it needs to adventure outside of its home to find food, reconnect with its friends, and recapture its freedom. Second, for psychological safety, it craves to know where is safe and where is dangerous. Third and finally, it must overcome its fears to survive. Staying home for too long equates to death from malnutrition. Once a rat confronts what it was initially afraid of, it becomes braver. It starts to explore beyond its known world again. It seemingly understands: “What has not killed me has provided me with greater courage than ever before.” 

If rats can do it, why not us?

You take what the enemy meant for evil, and you turn it for good!

– See a Victory, by Elevation Worship

Over the past few years, I have worked with a professional golfer. Let’s call her, Val, for the sake of anonymity. Val practiced and played golf several times per week, oftentimes twice per day. She ate nutritious foods, hydrated consistently, and recovered well. Each day, she carved out time to pray, meditate, and write in her gratitude journal. Practically, everything seemed to be going well except for not winning any tournaments lately. When she confessed that something felt “off,” I asked her what she felt it stemmed from…

“I love to practice at the range, to train in the gym, and to compete in these tournaments, but I wish I had someone to talk to and to get dinner with at the end of each day,” Val expressed.

“Even though your physical health is intact and your performances are fairly strong, do you feel a void in your relationships?” I asked. 

“Yes. I don’t mind being alone. Yet at times, I feel lonely.”

“From our conversations, it seems you invest most of your day at the golf course, at the gym, or at home. Although you see people there, I am confident most of those individuals are focused on their work and their health, as well. What do you think you could do about feeling lonely?”

“One of my golf instructors talks about a cool downtown area filled with coffee shops, clothing stores, and restaurants. One of the other players I frequently see at the gym also mentioned it.”

“What do you think about going there once or twice per week?”

“I’m really busy, and plus, I’m shy. It’s not natural for me to go out and to start conversations with people.”

“You love having lattes in the morning and teas in the afternoon. You purchase athletic outfits online. You enjoy trying new cuisines. How about, instead of making coffee at home or ordering deliveries online, you explore that downtown area and let me know how it is? Who knows, maybe I need to check it out, too, if it’s that great!”

“I guess I could try.”

“Give it a try. If it’s miserable, we will explore alternatives.”

Long story short, the following week after that conversation, Val met a woman at one of the clothing stores in that downtown area who comes from town near where she grew up. The following month, while chatting over coffee with that woman, a guy introduced himself to Val. Soon after, they went on a date to one of the restaurants in that downtown area. 

Within three months, Val had a boyfriend. 

Within less than a year, she won a competitive golf tournament. 

A few weeks ago, he and Val invited me to their wedding next year. 

From pep talk to prenuptial agreement, haha!

—

It’s the start that stops most people — confession.

Psychological freedom belongs to the man and or the woman with a plan — course correction.

Do it afraid — confrontation. 

Val comes from valor: brave, strong, courageous

— MG