Take Blame > Feel Shame

When matters more, past-to-present or present-to-future?

Who matters more, those achieving or those receiving?

What matters more, to be right or to be joyful?

Anger is the lowest hanging fruit — it’s what we grab when our expectations are not met.

It’s what we let grip us when we wish an event happened differently.

It’s what we are dragged by when we act out of ego.

Ego’s main prerogatives are to be right, to win at all costs, and to compare to others. An acronym for EGO: Edging God Out. God is whatever we individually deem as most good to us. Therefore, when we act out of ego, anger pushes us to react emotionally rather than respond thoughtfully.

To avoid the evil duo of ego and anger, we consciously STOP to cultivate awareness, as neuroscientist Dr. Amishi Jha recommends:

• Stop
• Take a breath
• Observe
• Proceed

Nothing can happen in our lives that cannot be breathed out and walked off… sometimes it just takes a longer walk.

Time heals.

Pessimism passes.

Guilt guides.

Brené Brown, author and researcher of human connection, courage, and vulnerability, points to a necessary bifurcation between guilt and shame. Guilt revolves around suboptimal behavior whereas shame involves negative self-concept. For example, if an individual performs poorly on a test or in a tournament, he or she ought to look at specific actions to improve, practice, and rehearse so his or her next performance plays out likely better. If that same individual views his or her underperformance as a sign something is deeply wrong with him or her as a person, shame-filled criticism could spiral into addiction, chronic anxiety, and or depression. Our performances are good or bad, depending on our expectations. Our personal selves are never worthless nor not enough. We should never be ashamed of ourselves because of the past-to-present; we should often ascertain which actions should be avoided versus adopted going forward from present-to-future.

Consider and answer these two questions:

1. Am I doing enough?
2. Am I enough?

The first inquiry involves guilt or satisfaction. The second inquiry pathologizes into false fantasies and shame.

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“Salvation is received, not achieved.”

As a Catholic, I have struggled with the idea intrinsic worth is separate from integrous work. Deep inside of me, I have always believed love, trust, and relationships were earned, not given. Several to dozens of verses in the Bible have provided friction to this belief (“… a person is not justified by the works of the law, but by faith in Jesus Christ” — Galatians 2:16; “For we maintain that a person is justified by faith apart from the works of the law.” — Romans 3:28). Could it be true, we are worthy without proving it through our work, simply because we believe in the Lord?

It seems to me: it’s a sin to shirk work completely and it’s a sin to stay convicted in salvation coming from consistent achievement.

You will eat the fruit of your labor; blessings and prosperity will be yours.

– Psalm 128:2

The best answers are paradoxical. The best ways involve appropriate doses from seemingly contradictory components — for example, right relationships revolve around encouraging support and truthful challenge. The best approaches demand sacrificial work for the future and present-moment grace.

To whom much is given, much is required.

– Luke 12:48

Which requirement are we neglecting, grit or grace?

Mercy is when we receive less punishment than we deserve.

Justice is when we receive exactly what we deserve.

Grace is what we receive when we trust He died for our sins, undeservingly.

To sin means “to miss the mark.” It comes from an archery term, which also means “to fail to hit” a target. To sin, from its Latin derivation, signifies “being guilty.” We are all guilty sinners; that’s why belief in salvation, redemption and resurrection matter. We all fail to hit targets, accomplish tasks, and achieve goals, from time to time. We all miss the mark on being the best versions of ourselves. What’s our response? What’s our aim amidst feeling guilty? What should we do? We must forgive, give ourselves grace (as He does), and strive once again.

Forgiveness: to give up hope for a better past.

The reason St. Paul remains such an influential figure in the New Testament is not because he was a symbol of perfection but instead because he was initially a persecutor of Christians. After an encounter with the risen Jesus Christ, he underwent a dramatic conversion. Fueled by guilt, St. Paul became one of the greatest followers of Christ, one of the greatest leaders of the Gentiles, and one of the greatest believers in true salvation coming from God’s grace, not through achievement. He traveled across the Roman Empire, from Greece to Turkey, establishing churches in major cities. He willingly faced beatings, imprisonment, and constant opposition. He went on to write 13 New Testament letters, where he shared how he received a new life through complete devotion to Christ. St. Paul shaped Christian theology and took its teachings global by taking blame, admitting guilt, and embodying joyful transformation through Jesus.

The worst approach to sin is to avoid responsibility and to neglect aiming at anything at all — to do so is to believe we are unworthy of His love and the love from others. The best approach to sin is to take full accountability for what happened, what’s happening, and what will happen next by living with redemptive faith.

What got us here (anger and frustration) won’t get us there (joy and fascination).

Higher summits call for higher awareness.

Take blame instead of feeling shame, set proper aim as opposed to chasing fame, and reclaim rather than attempt to stay the same.

- MG