Everything Effects Everything Else

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

This serenity prayer is emphasized throughout religious and spiritual communities. Its essence: choice. 

It gets to the crux of an ongoing dilemma: outside influence versus internal agency. What’s outside of our control? What’s within our control? Based upon those two answers, what will we choose to do next?

The evolution of a human being across time involves an interplay of nature (genetic endowment), nurture (environmental factors), and consciousness (awareness of choices plus capacity to act upon those choices). We have zero control over the former, genes passed on to us at birth. We can alter our immediate atmosphere as an age — like Jim Rohn once said: “We are not trees. If we do not like where we are currently planted, we should move.” Although it’s not completely understood, we can behave in accordance with or against our intuitive inner voice, also known as consciousness. 

Chosen behaviors, over time, become our destiny.

We are not trees; however, we are like plants. In a similar way to their needs of air, sunlight, water, and nourishing soil, we are biopsychosocialspiritual beings. A complex combination of an individual’s physiology, mind, relationships, and faith determines his or her growth or decay over time. A student-athlete needs natural talent along with inspiring coaches, luck, and opportunity. An organization needs loving leadership along with dependable products, honest communication, and calculated risk. A community needs a captivating vision along with reliable resources, connection, and challenge-oriented play.

Everything works in concert!

An orchestra. A band. A melody of instruments, influences, impacts… we are.

In Zach Bryan’s song titled “Half Grown,” he sheds light on how an individual’s childhood has a drastic impact on a his or her life..

“… And men are just the sum of all the things their mothers did; they’ll spend their lives searchin' for the love they had as kids. My vices ain't in place to replace a lovin' home; you can't expect to harvest where the field's half-grown.

You can't choose your blood, but you can choose to change the chains that chained you down… when you was just a child. And forgiveness ain't an easy road to go, but I know that it's a road worth headin' down.

When I see myself, I see your eyes. Reflections nowadays are a calm surprise. The older I get, the more I become… all the things I swore I'd always run from. But I'll raise myself a family and right the wrong, of some imperfect people who were only half-grown.

'Cause you can't choose your blood, but you can choose to change the chains that chained you down… when you was just a child. And forgiveness ain't an easy road to go, but I know that it is a road worth goin' down.”

Forgiveness is giving up hope for a better past, accepting present circumstances, and committing to a future worth living into.

We are not our pasts; we are who we choose to become through the actions we stack every day.

Who might we become when we let go of negative narratives within and evolve towards self-mastery?

English psychiatrist named Dr. Steve Peters provides a fascinating way to look at our inner narratives. He refers to perpetuating disturbances from extremely traumatic events as goblins. He refers to smaller, more subtle inconveniences and limiting beliefs as gremlins. He suggests acknowledging goblins as part of our stories, giving ourselves grace rather than shame, and navigating through life by accepting their indelible existence. Our imperfections, after all, are what make us uniquely beautiful and powerful individuals. We possess the ability of thriving amidst these goblins. Gremlins, on the other hand, can be destroyed. Examples of gremlins include negative thoughts such as, “I’m not enough… I’m unlovable… I’m different than everyone else.” With practice, therapeutic conversation and writing, gremlins can be eliminated from one’s thought life. Like rain washing away dirt, our self-talk cleanses our minds.

Peters suggests changing the script, repeating affirmations and incantations that empower us, and coming to believe in our innate capacity to heal. Through awareness and intentional action, we can flourish in the midst of goblins and beyond gremlins. All we must do: make great choices — ones that serve the best parts of us, like air, water and sunlight to a fruitful garden.

Last month, the best tennis player in the world was a guest on Jay Shetty’s “On Purpose” podcast. Novak Djokovic described the impact his childhood had on his psyche. He explained the trials and tribulations he had to overcome… from the pressure to win as means of perceived survival to struggles within his interpersonal relationships. He provided two hours of wisdom, inspiring ideas, and optimistic vantage points. Djokovic, like the rest of us, battled doubt and anxiety. He still does. Nevertheless, he makes the necessary choices to find fresh soil, to breath in new air via inspiration, to hydrate his mind body and spirit via fuel, friends, and faith. He mastered his craft by first mastering his inner world.

There are four stages of learning: ignorance, awareness, evolution, mastery.

When we become aware…

and intentionally choose to evolve…

we embody the serenity prayer along the way to the only destination that matters: self-mastery.

— MG