Why do some people quit while others persist?
As a mental performance coach, entrepreneur, and athlete constantly observing and studying the best and the brightest, this question resonates in my mind.
I’m certain the answer is multifactorial, combining both genetic and environmental factors. I’m uncertain as to which factors, and the magnitudes of those factors, matter most. Like a spectacular and intricate concoction, a magical blend seems to exist.
That blend could be summarized by a scientific concept called Neuro-associative Conditioning (NAC): our brains are only activated by one of two forces: pain or pleasure.
Before being awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 2020 for his contributions to American sports… before coaching University of Iowa’s wrestling team to 15 NCAA team titles and 21 Big Ten championships… and before winning a gold medal in freestyle wrestling at the 1972 Munich Olympics (without conceding a single point throughout six matches), Dan Gable lost his sister at 15 years old to a devastating murder.
Rather than remaining bitter, finding excuses, and giving up, Dan decided to move his prize possessions, clothes, inspirational photos and posters into her room so he could remember and honor her daily. Fueled by the loss of his sister, imagined threats of Russians training harder than him in the Soviet Union, and a dream of being USA’s best wrestler of all time, Dan was undefeated in high school (64-0) and won state championship after state championship title at Waterloo West High School. He achieved a 118-1 record as a wrestler at Iowa State University.
From decorated Olympian to hall-of-fame coach, Dan poured his energy, passion, and perseverance in others throughout the world of wrestling and beyond. His pain transformed into his purpose.
Our greatest fuel source derives from an avoidance of pain plus a pull toward pleasure. Dan Gable’s story sheds light on this perfectly (more on his insatiable work ethic can be found in the article, A Kid Who Doesn’t Kid Around).
How we interpret events in our lives seems to influence how we evolve.
What we do know is that for many people who have major adverse circumstances but manage to use them, turn them, and make a beautiful life for themselves… usually there was one defining factor that differentiates them from everybody else who had similar circumstances: they had someone who believed in them.
– Esther Perel, 40-year, world-renowned therapist and thought leader
It seems we have agency to choose our own frame of mind, don’t we?
Perhaps that depends on whether our own perceived pain and pleasure is infused with belief from at least one loving, encouraging person.
Call to action: be that person for someone!
— MG