For every path we choose, we forgo another, usually forever.
When should we let go versus fight for something?
Who would we be if we decided to live in a different place, to be in a different relationship, or to work in a different field?
How might our lives turn out if we slightly changed some of our choices?
Because we could. We cannot alter the past. However, we can change our futures through present-moment decision-making.
Clinical psychology research points to the following transitive property as an explanation for an individual’s actions:
How someone behaves is a byproduct of aim, focus, and consistent choice.
[A strong argument could be made that trauma causes emotional dysregulation, and therefore, a person does not always have control over his or her behavior, which I have compassion and understanding for. Nevertheless, in a large majority of cases: manners follow motivations].
Exactly seven years, I walked away from Wall Street and toward Mental Performance Coaching. I felt called. I left New York City. I started my own LLC. These choices were downstream from a deep concentration on factors of holistic health, integrative wellness, and peak execution under pressure. That concentration, which is focus for an extended period of time, derived from an intentional vision: to be a light similar to the one I needed during a dark chapter of my life…
On Wall Street and in the field of Economics, “the loss of potential gain from other alternatives when one alternative is chosen” refers to opportunity cost. Vice versa, for every cost, there’s an equivalent or greater gain. If we wait too long to make a choice, we inevitably have that choice made for us via circumstance. It boils down to: What do we want? How bad do we want it? And, why?
As I have expressed on prior blogs, I went from an All-American varsity lacrosse player to a boy in a back-brace my senior year of high school. At that same time, my mom was diagnosed with stage III cancer. I questioned who I was, what my future looked like, and how I would get back to behaviors that achieved accolades, awards, and recognition.
There was only one place to start, at the beginning, with intention. So when I closed my eyes, and the back of my forehead became a movie screen, I envisioned myself years down the road… healthy, grateful, being a light.
My behaviors today, although far from perfect, reflect standards set from a self-identity I created for myself years ago.
As best-selling author, James Clear, emphasizes in his book Atomic Habits: “Your outcomes are a lagging measure of your habits. Your net worth is a lagging measure of your financial habits. Your weight is a lagging measure of your eating habits. Your knowledge is a lagging measure of your learning habits. Your clutter is a lagging measure of your cleaning habits. You get what you repeat… Becoming the best version of yourself requires you to continuously edit your beliefs, and to upgrade and expand your identity… True behavior change is identity change. You might start a habit because of motivation, but the only reason you’ll stick with one is that it becomes part of your identity… Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.”
Everything we want is life is downstream from our own perceived self-identity.
Since identity means to make the same as via “repeated beingness,” here’s a question to consider: What kind of human would we like to be the same as one year from today, a decade from now, and on the day of our last breath?
Intentionally design an identity.
Who before do.
Life creates us… then we create our lives.
This week, I gave a motivational speech to a high school in South Florida. Having been to several assemblies throughout my time as a student, I asked myself: What talk do I wish I heard back then? What kind of ideas do I wish I learned from a speaker? What matters most to high school students, right now, given where they are at? So, I decided to emphasize goal-setting, engagement, and belief.
Here is the six-part goal-setting exercise I led the hundreds of students through:
What 3–5 goals do you want to accomplish one year from today? (The more specific, the more terrific!)
What resources do you need to achieve those goals? (Allies, angles, and assets)
What characteristics and qualities would you love to adopt? (I.e. Adjectives that describe the best, future version of you)
Who are 2-3 role models to learn from, study, and emulate? (Select who you admire)
What are 2-6 obstacles that could keep you achieving your one-year goals? (For example: overwhelm, anger, and fear)
What actions will get you from here to there? (Behaviors + sustainable frequencies = plan)
To conclude the speech, I spoke about Inner Signal > External Noise. How do we stay true to our authentic self in a world full of lures, enticements, and temptations? As my first lacrosse coach (former Marine, head of homicide in Manhattan, and DEA agent) once said and still repeats to me each time we connect: Be the One. Be the one who shows up early, stays late, and commits to being their very best version. Be the one who says no to distractions and yes to their dreams. Be the one who, through patience and perseverance, makes promises to themselves and keeps them.
Meditate on what breaks your heart.
Turn your pain into purpose.
Set your mind and cultivate a resilient mindset [through intentional attention, decision-making, and behavior].
Consider. Create. Commit!
— MG
“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and He will establish your plans.”
Proverbs 16:3