Human beings avoid risk until they feel psychologically safe enough to leave home.
Who was the first person to believe in you?
Who was the first person who made you feel loved?
Who was the first person to make you feel truly valuable?
When an individual lives in a “broken home,” he or she will often attempt to reconstruct architecture of the past instead of acknowledging it, accepting the precious present, and developing a loving future. People who have been hurt by reality may spend years to decades seeking answers to what happened. People who put the past down tend to pick up the possible. A faith-based mindset of possibility, rather than a fear-based mindset of probability, allows individuals to breakthrough chains of trauma eventually.
Forgiveness: giving up hope for a better past.
Fortitude: emotional & mental strength to move through challenges.
Focus: where someone concentrates attention.
At any time, we get the opportunity to create a new and evolved mental home to live in without dwelling on what could or should have happened.
What happened happened and it could not have happened any other way because it didn’t.
– Peter Crone, the self-proclaimed Mind Architect
When our car breaks down, we tend to call “Triple A.” They arrive minutes to hours later in order to change a tire, to fix an engine, or to tow a damaged vehicle. Marisa Peer, a top therapist in the UK, discovered an emotional fitness acronym also coined “Triple A:” Acknowledge, Accept, Articulate. Through physical gesture, we acknowledge an event that sparked fear, anger, disgust or sadness (the top four negative emotions). Then, through deep belly breathing, we accept an event (easier said than done; it often takes several deep breaths or a long walk). There’s nothing in our lives that cannot be walked off… sometimes it just takes a longer walk. Finally, we articulate a pathway forward (by moving through our old, reptilian, emotional brain to our rational, prefrontal cortex). These three A’s allow us to feel feelings until they no longer need to be felt, and then move through...
Notice how I am intentionally writing “move through” instead of “move on”? When we attempt to move on, we often carry around the weight of the past. Suffering = Pain X Resistance. Pain is inevitable. It’s part of life. Pain lets us know we are here, we are alive, and we still have problems. Resistance is what magnifies and intensifies suffering. We ought to feel more and to resist less.
A main problem people have is the belief they should not have any.
The only people without problems are dead.
Gratitude is our strength shield. It protects us from agitation, frustration, and irritation. Research points to its capacity to heal us from the inside out. When we are grateful, we focus on what’s up as opposed to putting our heads and others down. When we focus on what’s up, we engage with others. When we engage with others, we return to the reason we are all here: to find meaning in responsibility, enjoyment in play, and satisfaction in worthwhile striving alongside others.
The more engaged, the less enraged.
The more connected, the more protected.
The believed in are the ones who buy in.
Once someone decides to believe in us, we start to believe in ourselves. In psychology, there’s a phenomenon known as The Pygmalion Effect: our beliefs about others influence our actions toward others, which in turn impacts other’s beliefs about themselves, their actions towards us, and the reinforcement of our beliefs about others once again. It’s a positive feedback loop. Like a river flowing steadily downstream, our beliefs and actions influence the beliefs and actions of others, and vice versa. Subconsciously, from a young age, our guardians directly and indirectly tell us, “You are worthy,” or, “You are not enough.”
“The time and the quality of the time that their parents devote to them indicate to children the degree to which they are valued by their parents… Children who are truly loved, know themselves to be valued. This knowledge is worth more than gold. For when children truly feel valued, they feel valuable. The feeling of being valuable: “I am a valuable person,” is essential to mental health and is a direct product of parental love — such a conviction must be gained in childhood. It is extremely difficult to acquire during adulthood. Conversely, when children have learned through the love of their parents to feel valuable, it is almost impossible for the vicissitudes of adulthood to destroy their spirit. This feeling of being valuable is a cornerstone of self-discipline because when one considers oneself valuable, one will take care of oneself in all ways that are necessary. Self-discipline is self-caring.” — M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled
Our beliefs can evolve, from limiting us to empowering us, through repetition and emotional experiences.
It may be more difficult to evolve our beliefs as we age… like wet versus hard cement; however, a deep desire to feel valuable ensures its occurrence. One person’s true, genuine love has the power to override any feelings of undeservingness.
“My observation, as a psychologist, has been that it’s very very difficult for someone to get their act together unless they have at least one figure in their life that’s encouraging and shows them the pathway forward. So, you can have a lot of adversity in your life, and if you have one person around who’s a good model and you’re neurologically intact, you can latch on to that model… You can also find that model in books.” — Jordan B. Peterson on Lex Fridman’s Podcast #448
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People have poured, injected, and showered me with belief since before I could walk. My mother told me I could do anything. My dad played sports with me whenever I wanted to, for as long as I wanted to. Coach Brian Callanan told me I could “be the one.” Coach Chip Davis empowered me when a game was on the line. Coach Andy Shay coached me like a father to a son, with challenging encouragement. Many others, from my sister to childhood best friends, held me in esteem.
It’s my duty to be that person for at least one person. It’s my obligation to encourage you, the reader of this article, to be that person for at least one person. It’s an above and beyond ask; nevertheless, please share this with with one person who you believe could be that person for at least one person.
A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.
Belief in another’s possibility can set a soul on fire.
That fire lights a part of this world, warms others, and leaves a lasting legacy.
— MG