Growth requires openness.
To remain closed-off is to think what we know is more important than what we could learn. The root of all learning is found within a soft and curious mind, not a hard head nor a bounded brain.
When we do not want to learn, there’s nothing we could be taught.
When we strive to learn, there’s nothing that could stop us from doing so.
It’s hard to get enough of something that almost works.
– Dr. Vincent Felitti on stagnation, addiction, and codependence
An individual who smokes a cigarette each time he becomes stressed… a person who drinks alcohol to quell her anxiety… an everyday human being who takes medication to numb more and feel less stays stagnant, addicted, and dependent on external relief.
Not all alleviations are absolute antidotes. Trimming a tree’s leaves is suboptimal to changing its soil. We must target and treat root causes, not symptoms.
Many people are addicted. Addiction: anything people do to avoid feeling what they would have felt if they did nothing at all. Oftentimes unconsciously through self-sabotaging habits or subconsciously through limiting fears, people stay where they are because using external stimuli is easier than listening to internal signal.
We are not what happened to us.
We are not the negative feelings, bad memories, nor nagging nightmares we carry with us.
We are what we do now and do next.
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Alongside courage, humility remains the vital virtue for personal development. Often talked about in team sports, humility is not thinking less of ourselves; it is thinking of ourselves less. It is a heart posture and a sacrificial intention towards contribution. It is a deeper desire to help ourselves and others through education and inspiration. It is the prerequisite to knowledge, the intangible for self-knowing, and the one word we must adopt to actualize our potential.
As a head lacrosse coach for the USA National Team Development Program, I get a chance to work with 23 young men each Fall. Prior to selection of the final roster, a National Combine takes place — hundreds of student-athletes compete in practices, training sessions, and games. Even before players earn a spot in the National Combine, dozens of regional tryouts take place throughout the country over the course of several months. Assessments and judgments are constantly being made by high-level coaches and evaluators. The vetting process is extensive, intensive, and thorough.
No player is ever written off nor counted out because of one bad play. No player is selected to move on to the next round from one good play. All players must respond well to adversity, difficult drills, and tough competition. Sufficient speed, change-of-direction, suddenness, stick skills and lacrosse IQ often garner enough attention to secure a spot in each late-Summer’s National Combine. What it takes to separate from the pack, to be viewed with esteem by evaluators, and to make the 23-man roster requires something far more intangible. Phrases like ‘consistent displays of great character,’ ‘relentless work ethic,’ ‘humility and versatility’ come to mind as characteristics of outstanding peak performers.
By the time 46 eyes are looking up at us as a coaching staff in October, other good players have been cut. Great players fill the room. Much more, they are growth-focused competitors bursting with humility, asking questions, and contributing without expectation of anything in return.
The hard skills derive from technical and tactical talent maximized through position-specific training.
The soft skills originate from humility, are honed by versatility, and remain refined through full responsibility.
Are we captains or captives of our minds?
- MG