How One Heals Depends On His Or Her Needs

If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, exploit it.

If something is broken an alternative path could restore it, explore it.

Zooming in when firing on all cylinders and zooming out when running on fumes allow us to heal, grow, and thrive. Enjoying tranquility and navigating volatility remain undertakings easier said than done. They require individualized nuance, consistent awareness, and personalized choice.

One of the most fascinating topics I studied in graduate school, under the tutelage of Dr. Cristina Versari, was called “Alternative Healing Approaches.”

It involved subtopics as prominent as breath-work, meditation, and yoga… as well as lesser-known, intriguing ones like Tai Chi, Qigong, EMDR, Acupuncture, Acupressure, and more. The human body wants to heal when hurt, wants to return to homeostasis when disrupted, wants to recover when dis-eased. However, are we always adept at letting ourselves heal by paying attention to our individual needs? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Most of the population focuses on sleeping adequate amounts and moving more often while drinking less alcohol, refraining from smoking cigarettes, and avoiding unnecessary burdens. Most of the population knows the importance of relationships and hydration while dodging danger, harmful habits, and negativity. Fewer individuals realize, look into, and deeply discover alternative healing approaches most suitable to their personality, temperament, and bespoke needs. Restored vitality is not a one-size-fits-all expedition; it’s a divinely-inspired, unique journey we all must go on.

What works for one may not work for another.

What heals one heart may agitate another.

What fuels one soul may smother another.

I view mental performance training similarly to building a house. “Psychological architecture” is the term I give to programming, re-programming, and constructing one’s mindset. When adaptive through appropriate amounts of voluntary stress, cathartic conversation, and healthy disciplines, a person creates a home, not just a house, between his or her ears. Like the roughly 391,000 known species of plants on Earth, designing each person’s palace demands a particular, needs-oriented blueprint. One prospers by being put together a certain way; others need alternative approaches.

One of my clients prefers a high dose of adventure, exploration, and travel to feel peaceful within. Another client thrives when given hours per day alone, amidst quietness so he may navigate his internal narratives and thought-life. Another client tends to connect and converse with dozens of people daily, from text messages with family members to phone calls with potential buyers at work, to experience equanimity. A human’s habits help him or her assemble, establish, and shape his or her inner homes.

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So what do we, you or I, need for healing past hurt, therapeutically treating trauma, and thriving in an ever-changing world?

It depends.

The answer lies within an idea from Adam Atler’s book, Anatomy of a Breakthrough: How to Get Unstuck When It Matters Most. After all, a slump is like a soft bed — easy to get into and hard to get out of. How do we get out of a rut? How do we go from breakdown to breakthrough? How do we go from failure and loss to stacking wins once again? Atler suggests we must explore and exploit. When a strategy is no longer serving us, we ought to explore, zoom out and consider other options. For example, if certain exercises at the gym have us in a state of stagnation, we could engage in variety, innovate our training program, or go to a different workout class. When we a strategy feels right and puts us in a state of vitality, we ought to exploit it by focusing on that specific method and following through on it repeatedly. For example, when we find a tranquil environment (let’s say, a coffee shop where we feel serene inside and cared for by a hospitable staff outside), we consistently go there to be productive, prolific, and effective.

Where we go determines whether we flow and grow… or feel low and slow.

Here are examples of strategies I exploit because I intuitively know they are best for my well-being:

1. Exercise & Movement: since I was 15 years old, I could count a handful of times when I neglected going to a gym, to a workout class, or to a training session of some kind. The repetition of repetitions keeps my blood flowing, my mind going, and my spirit growing.

2. Mentors & Role Models: by the grace the God, I have been blessed with passionate parents and caring coaches — by example, these leaders have given me shoulders to stand on. They hugged me. They heard me. They held me and helped me. Every week since I could speak, I have asked questions and listened to experienced, wise individuals who showed me optimal ways to live, learn, and lead.

3. Travel: knowing the only constant is change, I go on voyages physically and mentally every month. “No man steps in the same river twice; for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.” Going on journeys, whether to a different city or through a different book, flicks on dormant light switches within me. Each trip gives me a better grip on what truly matters. (And yes, one of my exploitations is exploration — two birds, one stone!)

Here are examples of environments I explore because I am curious about the cures that could come from them:

1. Philosophies & Religions: although I remain devoted to my Catholic faith, conversing and reading about different spiritual perspectives continues to deepen my empathy and understanding of people. I seek common ground in order to attain higher ground with other humans. I study and visit a variety of texts and religious locations to better comprehend the worldviews of those around me.

2. Food & Music, usually together: distinct cuisines and cultures shed light on how people, all over the world for centuries, have bonded and connected. Different tastes, faces, and graces allow me to see overlaps and similarities more than separating factors. Does wheatgrass juice really help fight cancer? Maybe. Can classical music actually calm us down? Maybe. Which blend of carbohydrates, fats, and proteins is healthiest or best for us? It depends.

3. [Vinyasa] Yoga: during one of the darkest chapters of my adult life, these different movements linked with different breathing patterns helped me heal. The emotional, physical, and spiritual alignment I felt was unlike anything I ever felt in a weight room, on a lacrosse field, during any bike, hike, or swim. Through yoga, I connect and detach at the same time. It’s a bottom-up healing approach no amount of writing nor talking could replicate.

Call to action: Reflect on the most constant activities in your own life. Which ones do you seem to do daily—weekly? Where? Why? Then, choose one-to-three possible new environments to explore. Give those a go. Afterwards, reflect once more: what did you like about those locations, spaces and places versus not like? How did they make you feel? Do you think it would make sense to heal, grow, and thrive there more often?

Setting influences mindset. An iPhone needs a charging outlet to boost its battery. A car needs a gas station to refuel. A person needs a shower to clean reasonably, a bedroom to sleep sufficiently, and a quiet space to work or study amply. Although not absolutely necessary; each venue provides a certain menu… every site makes specific tasks feel wrong or right. When adopting new habits… lead authority, James Clear of Atomic Habits, suggests: one location, one activity. It makes less sense to eat dinner on a couch, to workout in an office, or to rest on top of a desk. We ought to stay away from the locales that drain us; and instead, go to the places that enthuse us with the people we trust and the prompts that promote the best versions of ourselves.

“Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health… our capacity to destroy one another is matched by our capacity to heal one another… we can fully recover only by restoring our sense of agency—the sense that we have control over our lives… recovery from trauma involves finding ways to become fully alive in the present… the past is always present, [therefore], the challenge of recovery is to reestablish ownership of your body and your mind—of yourself… the critical issue is allowing yourself to know what you know [through awareness and exploration]. That takes an enormous amount of courage.” — Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, renowned psychiatrist, trauma researcher, and best-selling author of The Body Keeps the Score

Do we have the courage to change what we can?

Are we taking on the tasks to turn our houses into homes?

What, where, and who do we need to heal?

🎙️Click here to listen to Mark Glicini’s monthly episodes of his podcast, GRATEFUL and Full of Greatnes