Without evidence or proof, what do we believe to be true?
When I work with clients, they do not need to have a dogmatic religion they follow — Christianity, Judaism, Muslim, etc. They must be spiritual, however. They must believe that the work we do together will lead to a better, bolder, and brighter future.
What’s the difference between religion and spirituality? From my perspective, religion revolves around what we worship — sometimes that’s fame, money, a band, a superhero, or a celebrity; other times, and hopefully more often, it’s God. The reason I say “hopefully” is because simplicity leads to clarity and confidence, whereas complexity creates anxiety. Belief in many gods is anxiety-provoking. Spirituality, on the other hand, is a heart posture that we are part of something bigger than ourselves — sometimes that’s a nation, an organization, or a team; other times, and hopefully more often, it’s a family and a romantic relationship. The reason I say “hopefully” is because faith-filled, deep trust with loved ones leads to psychological safety. Psychological safety, the feeling of security and equanimity, allows us to adventure and take risk because we believe we are connected to others, therefore, protected.
Psychological safety is not the absence of threat; it’s the presence of connection.
When a baby is scared of thunder and lightning outside, he or she will remain stressed until held by a parent or guardian. When a child thinks there is a monster in the bedroom closet, he or she will ruminate anxiously until a parent or guardian acknowledges the child’s concern, showing there is nothing to worry about. When a teenager is excluded during recess activities at school, his or her nervous system will fire frantically until someone kindly invites them to play.
The crave for connection never goes away.
Even as we age, we yearn for attachment, bondage, and love.
So how do we handle real and perceived threats, especially when we feel all alone?
Both faith and fear are perceptions of the future.
The former revolves around anticipation whereas the latter causes apprehension.
What will happen next? Will we die, physically or socially? What if…?
FAITH could be acronymed as Feeling As If [the] Thing [has] Happened (what we desire!); FEAR is often marked as False Evidence Appearing Real. Faith contains belief in what’s beautiful, good, and true. Fear holds negative fantasy of what’s dark, evil, and malevolent.
Fear shows up as attempts to control.
Faith manifests through surrender.
Certain events in life test us to see which one we will embody. Here are some examples of such events:
transition from high school to college, college to the workforce, the workforce to a new job
relationship break-up
birth of a baby
moving out or into a new house
joining a new team
going on a business trip
getting fired or hired
marriage
vacation
adventure from yesterday’s you to tomorrow’s
Just because an event has a negative or positive connotation, does not mean it is ultimately bad or good. The future we make depends on the perspective we take. Better put: the more we let, the more we get.
Our level of success will seldomly exceed our level of personal development because success is something we attract by the person we become.
— Jim Rohn, world-renowned speaker, mentor to Tony Robbins, author of The Five Major Pieces to the Life Puzzle
In Alcoholics Anonymous, a community focused on abstinence-based recovery and aimed at psychological safety through fellowship, participants follow a 12-step program towards sobriety. Steps two through twelve do not matter unless the first step is taken: “Accept that you are powerless over alcohol and that your alcohol abuse has made your life unmanageable.” In other words, surrender.
Surrendering is not a passive act. It requires stoic presence, unwavering resolve, and intentional behavior… especially restraint. Emotional regulation remains essential. True surrender moves beyond mere acknowledgement into acceptance of current circumstances and articulation of a pathway forward. Where are you now? Where do you want to go? How are you going to get from here to there? Focus on the process, and the outcome will take care of itself.
To surrender is to embody faith wholeheartedly.
As an officiant of weddings, I’ve stood inches away from two people who surrender into a faith-filled commitment. They vow to one another through sickness and health, poverty and wealth, and whatever cards are next dealt. They never attempt to make the other say, “I do.” They let it happen… let themselves be devoted to, in that moment. There are not many events as energy-provoking! All we want is to receive love, yet all we can do is give love. The choice is made, right then and there: faith or fear.
When we feel butterflies in our stomaches due to a work event, a relationship, or a major life choice, our response will determine whether they fly in formation (excitement via faith) or fly apart (anxiety & distress via fear).
Three final questions to consider:
Do you feel connected, to your true authentic self and your loved ones?
If not, why not? OR If yes, why yes?
What next step could you take to go from worry to peace? OR Which person could you connect with right now?
Start with that step. Reach out to that person.
The most powerful nation: imagination.
The most powerful strategy: surrender.
The most powerful choice: faith or fear.
The more connected, the more protected.
— MG