Emotional fitness matters more than physical.
How do we carry ourselves most of the time?
How do we act amidst adversity?
How do we keep a calm heart even when all may seem to be falling apart?
Humility is a dimension of wisdom we only learn from making mistakes.
— Dr. Jack Kornfield, renowned psychologist and Buddhist monk known for his teachings on mindfulness
We learn through error minimization. In other words, only by making mistakes do we evolve to a level of true understanding. For example, a child learns to talk by discarding phonemes and sounds that do not communicate clearly what they are trying to say. An athlete learns to play in elite competitions and tournaments by staying away from less advantageous spaces on a court, field, track or mat. A parent learns to guide their kids by removing environments increase the probability of bad behavior. We realize how to add greater value by first deciding what’s irrelevant, stupid, and suboptimal.
Thousands of thoughts per day can be distracting… especially the negative ones. Which ideas should we pay attention to? Which ones deserve credence versus indifference? How do we live more in the present moment rater than the future and the past? By thinking less and...
Taking action. Let our behaviors shift our emotions, feelings, and thoughts rather than the other way around. “It’s much easier to act our way into a certain way of feeling than attempt to feel our way into a certain way of acting.” Sometimes we become happy and then smile. Most of the time, we smile and become happier. Act it until we become it!
Practicing mindfulness: letting thoughts pass like clouds. Dare to become more aware. Notice thoughts. Observe them. Breathe, let them pass. “What we resist will persist; what we let be will let us be.” One of the greatest songs ever composed by The Beatles, which has millions (if not billions) of downloads: Let It Be. Not all thoughts, like clouds, should rain on our parades. Stay mindful even when our minds are full!
Talking it out & writing it down. We become emotionally fit by befriending the inner weather within. “Nothing has meaning unless we give it so.” Which past experiences are we caring and worrying about too much? Which future possibilities are we allowing to disrupt our current mentality? Who makes us feel important, energized, and vital versus unheard, unseen, and unworthy? When we express, get out bottled-up anger and anxiety, we channel our emotions faithfully rather than try to control them fearfully. Talking and writing are therapeutic and cathartic activities!
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I am fascinated by those who display grit when they have every reason to quit. James J. Braddock, a former professional boxer and heavyweight champion, comes to mind when I think of an individual who embodied the fruits of the Holy Spirit: love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). Illustrated in my favorite movie, Cinderella Man, Braddock navigated extreme adversity, poverty, and hardship throughout the Great Depression. Broken bones and hard-to-pay-back loans did not unravel the fabric of his character. He remained a devoted husband, relentless worker, and charismatic friend. How? By keeping his eyes, mind and heart focused on what matters most.
Here’s one of the most gut-wrenching yet powerful scenes in the film: Braddock finds out his son stole meat from a local deli out of fear the family will starve. Rather than praising the steal and eating the food, he brings his son back to the store. He waits patiently as his son apologizes to the owner and returns the meat. He crouches down outside the deli’s doors to look his son in the eyes. “Things ain’t easy at the moment, you’re right,” Braddock agrees. “There’s a lot of people worse off than what we are. And just ‘cause things ain’t easy, that doesn’t give you the excuse to take what’s not yours, does it?” Braddock inquires. “That’s stealing, right?” His son nods. “We don’t steal, no matter what happens. We don’t steal. Not ever, ya got me?… I promise you we will never send you away.” As Braddock finishes his declaration of assurance, he son cries hysterically and hugs him passionately (all out of fear that he may be sent away to a relatives house, like his friend was, because the family could not afford food during the Great Depression’s worst months).
Braddock epitomizes that of a gentle fighter, a loving father, and a mensch full of faith and self-control
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It’s not about what we are going through; it’s about what we are going to.
Our Why (purpose) must be greater than What, What, and What (events).
What matters most to us? Feelings pass; values last.
Unless we make the unconscious conscious, it will direct our lives and we will call it fate.
— Carl Jung
Call to Action: Journal about someone you admire most. What qualities come to mind about that person? Those are insights into your core values. When did that person display resiliency in the face of uncertainty? Most likely, that occasion is one instance of a much larger body of work. Why do you think he or she was able to stay so steady? These reasons reflect something deep within you that’s prized, too. Given these questions and answers, what is one action you could take immediately towards an identity you desire to live into years from now? That one action is one more repetition towards becoming emotionally fit.
Like we attend the gym, we ought to move weight off our minds and hearts through expression. Like we do a HIIT workout, take a pilates class, or go to a yoga studio, we ought to carve out time for introspection and reflection. Like we walk, run, hike, or bike, we ought to travel through and viscerally understand our inner narratives. By consistently doing so, we meditate and become familiar with ourselves, our fears and our True Norths.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” — Proverbs 4:23
Let’s pay attention to what keeps our attention.
Let’s let go, let God, and let it be…
It’s a skill and an art: to nourish one’s heart.
- MG